Spygirl

I have a few goals at the moment (over at www.43things.com): one is to watch less TV; one is to explore my creativity; and, another is to start writing again.  So, I thought that starting this blog might help me to get rolling towards all three.  So far, it’s working.  The TV’s been off since I watched The Office while getting ready for work this morning.  I agonized over choosing a look for my blog (kind of sort of a creative thing to do), and now it seems that I’m writing. 

This blog is going to be my place to do my writing exercises, as well as a place to share what I’m thinking, doing, feeling.  In other words, total self indulgence.  Yay!  I’m curious to see who will find me here and how.  It’s funny, I have this fear of someone I know finding the blog and knowing its me writing.  I’m not sure why that’s a fear.  Maybe because I’m afraid I’ll come off as really dorky which is okay if you’re anonymous, but a total drag if you’re suddenly outed by someone you see every day.

I have two old friends who I spy on through their blogs.  The first friend I am still in contact with, but she lives in another state.  We’ve been friends since grade school and she moved away right after college, so while we keep in touch and still see each other when she’s in town visiting family, there’s this sense that we have these adult lives that are separate from our friendship.  Everything is nostalgia between us, not much new.  I mean, we talk about our lives, but we don’t know each other in these lives.  So, I love to read her blog.  She doesn’t know that I read it and I’m reluctant to tell her, because I feel like I get to be a fly on the wall in her adult world when I read it.  She shares it with her friends where she lives and it’s written for them as much as for her.  So, not only do I get to read what she’s doing day-to-day, but I get to see how she relates to the people who are in her life day-to-day and not just to me, a friend who’s known her since she was 8-years-old whose outdated image of her she maybe feels she’s trying to still fit into whenever we’re together.

The other person whose blog I read secretly is my first boyfriend (first love, first sex!)  We don’t live by each other anymore, either.  I probably haven’t seen him in a good 10 years.  He shares a blog with his wife and they write about all the things they are doing with their lives — shopping at the farmer’s market, political canvassing, going to museums and film festivals, etc.  Part of me thinks they seem to have a nice life, and part of me can’t believe how pretentious they are!  But, that doesn’t mean they’re not enjoying themselves, so good for them.  I’m in my 30s now, so my high school boyfriend’s marriage isn’t something that has the power to rile me up anymore, but it’s a fascinating read, nevertheless. 

So, I guess this explains why I’m afraid of someone finding me on here, doesn’t it?  I’m a blog spy for god’s sake!  And, a judgey one at that.  So, I guess I’d better just accept that I’ve thrown the first stone.  Bring it on, peeps!