Number one New Year’s Resolution at the moment is to stop ignoring my blog. I don’t know if that’s number 1 in order of importance or anything, but it’s number one chronologically because it’s the first thing I thought of a minute ago when I decided to write down my resolutions. And, see how committed I am to my resolutions? I started working on this one mere moments after conceiving it.
My friend told me that she doesn’t think of her resolutions as resolutions, but as goals. She thinks that helps her to take them more seriously. I can see what she means since everyone basically knows that New Year’s resolutions typically don’t stick around long enough to see Groundhog Day. My sister is a pastry chef, and she’s thrilled that it’s finally January because she knows her job is going to be really slow for the next few weeks as everyone swears off dessert, but that inevitably by the end of the month everyone will be ordering cakes and brulees after dinner again like that whole healthy eating kick never happened. So, yeah, resolutions are notoriously lightweight.
What was my point? Oh yeah, writing more of these scintillating posts.
The other night I was out having many drinks with a friend and came home and scrawled these resolutions/goals on a tiny piece of paper I’d found on my coffeetable as I balanced a plate of pizza and a flute of champagne on my lap. Here goes:
- Be more generous.
- Organize my bills and finances.
- (Something that was so scrawled I couldn’t read it.)
- Finding love, a husband, start a family (all in the next 12 mos., apparently)
- Become rich.
- Get in shape.
- Have more fun.
God, it almost hurts to see in print what a total cliche I am. But, cliches exist for a reason, I suppose. Instead of beating myself up, I’ll just accept it as proof that I am one with the universe and all the other resolution-makers out there. Namaste.
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So, I was just making some dinner and thinking about this post and it occurred to me that a lot of the things that I want (mainly to fall in love, to write) are the same things I’ve wanted for the past 10 or 15 years. And, it occurred to me that if my attentions have been focused on those things for so long, I really need to get my shit together and achieve these Goals (yes “goals”, not resolutions, and with a capital “G” I’m starting to realize) already. So, then I started to think about examples I could use in this post of things that I wanted in my 20’s that I don’t want anymore, to prove that there were plenty of things that were important to me then that don’t matter so much now, so clearly the things that have lasted are what I truly want. But, honestly, I can’t really think of too much that I wanted when I graduated from college that I don’t still want. I don’t know if that’s depressing or if it’s just proof that I knew who I was when I was 21. And, it’s not like I haven’t achieved any of the things I wanted then, but the things I haven’t achieved yet are still important to me.
I guess it’s really the goal of writing that sticks out to me. It’s still here. Although, I let it flounder for a long time; it left me for years and years and now it’s back. And, as far as falling in love goes, I guess the fact that I still want that is just a function of not having found it. If I had, I would have crossed it off by now. It’s not that I would have lost focus on it, it’s just that I would be living it.
If you’re still reading this, you must really like me. This has truly become the most self-indulgent post ever, but isn’t that what blogs are for? I have to keep writing this embarassing post so it can stand as proof of how much I really need to stop being so f-in lazy and get my shit together and stop seeing my laid-back attitude as a virtue, instead of as an excuse to pussyfoot through the rest of my life.
