Oh my god, I love this stupid movie!

Yes,  I gave in to the hype and went to see Titanic in 3D this weekend.  Over margaritas on Friday night my friend and I decided to see it as a joke, but I was pretty much sucked in from the moment Leo and his buddy Fabrizio win their tickets in a “lucky” game of poker.  (Yes, James Cameron, the air is heavy with irony.  We get it.)

So many awesomely terrible moments — Leo teaching  Kate how to hocker; wisecracks about Picasso never amounting to anything; the repeated references to the “unsinkable” ship; our two leads having to evade Billy Zane’s gunshots in the midst of trying to survive the major maritime disaster of the 20th century; Bill Paxton and his frumpy, douchey sidekick; the old lady throwing the zillion dollar necklace into the ocean for no clear reason; and, of course, Leo who coached Kate through every harrowing moment — running, swimming, knocking down emergency doors, riding the deckrail straight into the water —  making one, just one!, half-hearted attempt to climb aboard the oak door she floated to safety on.  So, he’d already had it with her, or what?

But, goddman if it isn’t entertaining!  I will watch that ship sink any time of day or night.  Just find me a screen and I’ll clear three hours faster than you can say Celine et Rene.  I love to think about just what these people went through to make this movie happen.  Extras flailing in water and dropping from the deck when the ship is perpendicular to the water, knowing that Kate and Leo’s lips are blue not because of attentive make-up artists but because, sadistically, that water they used on set wasn’t heated, Cameron building the ship to 90% scale (I mean, who does that?!)  As smart-assy as I am about it, it is a nailbiter — in spite of the fact that you know what’s coming.  I guess it’s the fact that it really happened (well, not the cheesy love story, but you know…)  I am grateful that James Cameron is a crazed, psycho perfectionist who re-created the world of this ship so thoroughly that we can see just what it looked like and exactly how it went down (literally and figuratively) and help us to imagine so closely what the people who suffered through it experienced.

And, the 3D is amazing!  And, I am not a fan of 3D.  I guess the action sequences were great, but what I really dug was seeing the intricate details of every wine glass and piece of flatware on the tables in the dining room.  Not to mention the ridiculously oversized plumes on the ladies’ hats that looked like they could poke your eye out with a nod of the head.

April 11, 2012. memories, movies, nostalgia, pop culture. 1 comment.

Kanye Kardashian

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West?  In the same way that Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards were the ultimate Hollywood-slut couple, these two are the best worst couple I’ve heard about in a long time.  They’re both such total pain-in-the-ass famewhores that it’s hard to believe it took this long for romance to bloom.  Let’s just hope they don’t reproduce.  It’s bad enough her sister is having kids with American Psycho.  A Kardashian-West may be more than any of us can handle.

April 6, 2012. celebrity, pop culture. Leave a comment.

My broker’s E.F. Hutton, and E.F. Hutton says…

So, I found this article on Yahoo about “Williams-Sonoma Republicans.”  Obviously, I’m not going to be voting for any Republicans any time soon, but if our choice is other-people’s-sex-life-obsessed, misogynistic, Opus Dei believing, crazed Rick Santorum followers  or a bunch of rich a-holes with $400 panini presses draining gin-and-tonics while they jaw about their IRAs, gotta say bring on Romney!  It seems so quaint to face off against old school preppy Republicans, like all the 80s-movie Muffies and Biffs of my youth instead of the Jesus Camp crew who actually thought Bush was the second coming of Christ.  After all, I feel prepared to fight the preppies.  I’ve seen Pretty in Pink, like, 75 times.  Plus, I’m assuming these people, unlike the Tea Party crowd, won’t have a problem with Ivy League educations, something I quite like in my leaders.  What do I have to do to temporarily change my voting affiliation in Pennsylvania?  I’ll show up in my popped collar and penny loafers and vote for Mitt on primary day if it helps to keep Santorum out of the big race.  Call me, Mitt.

http://news.yahoo.com/why-the-soul-of-mitt-romney%E2%80%99s-america-can-be-found-at-williams-sonoma.html

April 6, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Heartfelt Joe Paterno tributes? Really, people?

I think I’m going to have to avoid Facebook all day, if not all week, as I cannot abide the tributes to Joe Paterno that are overtaking my wall.  If anyone had the power to put an end to that horrible situation at Penn State, it was him.  The fact that people give him a by, that they accept that he is absolved of any responsibility because he did the bare minimum that was required by law to report the situation, is frightening to me.  He was the most powerful man on that campus.  If he had wanted to bring justice to the situation, it would have been done.  Instead he chose to turn his back while children continued to be molested FOR YEARS! 

I can understand still having pride in your school if you’re a Penn State alum.  This one situation doesn’t define the whole institution.  But to publicly defend this man?  Total moral failure.

January 22, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

I think THAT was the most dramatic rose ceremony ever!

Wow.  A woman who came on to the show for 25 minutes only to be sent straight back home, a woman belligerently heckling the Bachelor during his final rose speech, and another woman who passed out and stopped breathing twice —  TWICE! — during this process.  That’s why I sit through the other hour and 50 minutes of this crap.  Another highlight was when crazy Jaclyn stated “On a scale of 1 to 10, I’m about to throw up!”  I’m not sure what that means, but it was awesome.

January 17, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

When will Katy Perry go away?

Two quick things:

  1. How is the Katy Perry/Russell Brand divorce taking precedence over Justin Timberlake’s engagement on the cover of US Weekly?  Seriously, this is Justin!  Haven’t we all loved him since he was the youngest one in curls?  F’in Katy Perry.  Who cares?
  2. Katy Perry apparently was shocked that Russell Brand ended up being a “mad man”.  Really, Katy?  Because, the rest of us?  Not so surprised.

January 9, 2012. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

General thoughts on this season’s “The Bachelor”

  1. The brunette named Kacie B. is the winner.  I’m basing this solely on the music they played when she got out of the limo.
  2. First mention of people “not being here for the right reasons”: Episode 1, 1 hour & 18  minutes.  If there’s been a speech about “putting myself out there” yet, it went past me.
  3. Why has Bachelorette Jenna’s blog not been updated since April?  If you’re a relationship blogger AND you’re on the Bachelor AND you bring the crazy on the premiere episode, you need to post an update.  Currently, her most recent post is from April.  It’s a rant about people who call her and don’t leave voicemails.  And, while I’m grateful for a glimpse of her off camera that certainly confirms some of my initial impressions of her from the show (did you really just manage to martyr yourself into the Anne Frank of people whose call log and voicemail totals don’t match up? ), I’m going to need much MUCH more.
  4. Ben.  Why can’t somebody do something about his hair?
  5. I want details about the clothing allowances they give these women.  Any info anyone who might be reading this can provide would be quite appreciated.

January 9, 2012. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

A Perfect Quote for a New Year

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it” —  Goethe

I’d like to add, “whatever you want to do.”  Let’s face it, I’m not always sure that I can, but as long as I focus on what I want, the Universe will bring its magic.

January 2, 2012. 43 Things, goals and ideas, Notes from the Universe. Leave a comment.

YOU don’t get to tell ME shit about Duran Duran!

The cover for the 45, which, of course, I owned. That collage is clown-from-Poltergeist creepy.

So I heard, Do They Know It’s Christmas? for the first time this holiday season while driving home from work yesterday. And, I’ll forgive my dad for calling me right when Bono was about to sing so that my Bluetooth kicked in and the radio turned off because his call was quick. I youtubed the video today and was amazed by all the really bad hair. Not that that should be shocking because it was 1984, but when you see all of the coolest people in music at that time gathered in one place, you realize just how bad 80s fashion was. The only one without a mullet was Sting, and his hair was so greasy I could actually smell it through my laptop screen. The other disappointment regarding Sting was seeing him next to Bono and realizing he is only a couple of inches taller. I made peace with the fact that Bono is only 5’7″ a long time ago, but I always pictured Sting as long and lean, with that lanky yoga body. Oh well, as Band-Aid’s lyrics should make clear to me, there are bigger problems in the world.

The thing that I always think of when I hear this song, is sitting on the floor of my 6th grade classroom with a textbook in my lap waiting for my teacher to join my reading group as we sat in a circle and talked. Some of the boys were telling my friend Linda and I that  John and Simon were in this new band, Band-Aid, that had released a Christmas song. Even at age 11, I considered myself to be the Queen of All Things Pop Culture, and no one was going to tell me shit about Duran Duran. I was so indignant and so snotty when I told them that they were insane and clearly had no idea of what they spoke. I’m sure that I scoffed and tsked and rolled my eyes with the vehemence that only a young girl on the verge of her first period can. And, that day after school when I heard the song for the first time while waiting in the car for my mom to come out of the supermarket, I couldn’t enjoy it with the fervor that I should have because one of those boys was going to try to  make me suffer at some point for my rant, probably when I showed up at school wearing a Band-Aid t-shirt I’d hopefully find at Spencer’s Gifts next to the fiber optic lamps, but NOT behind the shower curtain with all of the dirty holiday cards and penis-shaped ice cube trays.

December 23, 2011. celebrity, childhood, Christmas, memories, Music, nostalgia, pop culture, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Victory, Golden Monkey!

Thank god for rainy Saturdays!  I believe I wrote a post on this before, the freedom that crappy weather gives you to be lazy.  Yes, it’s a grey, soggy day in Pittsburgh, and I am still in my pj’s, having just finished a homemade brunch of home fries, scrambled eggs with feta, and, yes, a beer.  Are there any two more genius foods than eggs and potatoes?  I mean, the possibilities with both are endless and all delicious.  And, the fact that both are staples of breakfast is a clear indicator of why that particular meal holds such a hallowed place in our hearts, in spite of its early hour.  Even without pork, its brilliance shines.

May 22, 2010. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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